


Like Holding the Stars in Your Hands

by Two_of_Clubs



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale and Crowley Met Before The Fall (Good Omens), Crowley Remembers Heaven, Eventual Fluff, First Time, Hurt Crowley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-08-10 01:03:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20126794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_of_Clubs/pseuds/Two_of_Clubs
Summary: As a whole, Heaven was still rather hazy to Crowley. Part of being among the Fallen, he figured, not being able to remember the details of his home as an angel. He could remember certain things, though. He remembered creating galaxies upon galaxies, full of beautiful stars and expansive nebulas, letting his imagination roam free. He realized much later that was probably why he had been chosen for the job. Even among angels, a good imagination was hard to come by.He knew he hadn’t been alone in his work, he’d gotten glimpses of another presence with him, watching as his hands delicately crafted entire star systems. Maybe it was a particular angel...Or rather, Crowley's memories of Heaven come flooding back at perhaps the most inopportune of moments.





	1. Far From Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> I'd been sitting on this idea since I watched the television show, finally found the time to put it into words.
> 
> There will be rough moments, but I promise it's got a happy ending!
> 
> Enjoy!

As a whole, Heaven was still rather hazy to Crowley. _ Part of being among the Fallen _, he figured, not being able to remember the details of his home as an angel. He could remember certain things, though. He remembered creating galaxies upon galaxies, full of beautiful stars and expansive nebulas, letting his imagination roam free. He realized much later that was probably why he had been chosen for the job. Even among angels, a good imagination was hard to come by.

He knew he hadn’t been alone in his work, he’d gotten glimpses of another presence with him, watching as his hands delicately crafted entire star systems. Maybe it was a particular angel, or maybe it was just the feeling of being part of the Family of Heaven. Now and then, he was overcome by a strong sense of love, so powerful he could practically drown in it. Then, as soon as it had come, it would pass, and Crowley would be left with the dull ache of emptiness inside his chest.

Some days he liked to think of Heaven, liked to try and remember all the little details he could until his head throbbed from the strain. _ But it was worth it _. He got to see the swirling stars around him, feel the warmth and light that began somewhere deep inside of him, and watch as new celestial clusters formed. Other days, the thoughts of Heaven were entirely unwelcome, but they came anyway, barging into the expanses of his mind and demanding to be seen until Crowley curled up in a ball and wept.

He wept for all that he had lost, and the worst part was that he couldn’t even clearly remember _ what _he had lost. It was an ever-elusive thought, an idea nagging constantly at the back of his mind. Over his 6,000 years on Earth, Crowley had learned how to live with it. One might even say he’d come to terms with it, and most days, he didn’t even think of Heaven. Just like today.

Heaven was the last thing on Crowley’s mind—or rather, everything but a particular member of Heaven was the last thing on Crowley’s mind. He thought only of Aziraphale as the angel gently wrapped his arms around him, pulling Crowley in close. Ever since they had succeeded in averting the Apocalypse, moments like these were more and more common, not that Crowley was going to complain.

It hadn’t taken long after avoiding the utter disaster that would have been Armageddon for them to admit their feelings to each other. The ‘_ I love you _’s had come out with surprising ease, and so did everything else that followed. They explored the idea of being a couple, doing what human lovers did. They already spent quite a bit of time together, they just changed their simple afternoons and evenings together into dates. That part had been very easy.

Next came the holding of hands and gentle, affectionate touches. At first, Crowley wasn’t sure how he would work those in with their day to day interactions, but he quickly learned that there didn’t have to be any rhyme or reason for it. The angel demanded no excuse to be touched. The little pats on the back, squeezes of the shoulder, fingers slid gingerly along the other’s thigh—Crowley loved all of it, but not as much as he loved the _ kissing _.

Kissing was a different experience altogether. It somehow managed to both calm him and make his heart race at the same time. It felt so natural to kiss Aziraphale, as natural as anything Crowley had ever done. He didn’t even have to think about it, their lips seemed to move together entirely of their own accord. And there were so many different types of kisses! Closed-mouth kisses, open-mouth kisses, kisses with tongue, kisses on the cheek, on the forehead, on the shoulder, on the back of his hand, and Crowley’s favorite—on the side of his neck.

While neither of them directly said so, Crowley knew they would eventually make their way to some of the _ other _ habits of a couple madly in love, namely _ sex _ . The thought—much like kissing—both excited and soothed him. A part of him, deep down, had always known it was coming, and it put his mind at ease to think that Aziraphale desired him as much as he desired the angel. He knew that one day they would get around to it. He just didn’t expect that day to be _ today _.

What had started off as a simple cuddle on Aziraphale’s loveseat in the back of his bookshop quickly became something much more. The angel had pulled Crowley into his lap, winding his arms around the demon’s waist to pull their torsos flush with each other. Crowley’s fingers tangled in Aziraphale’s hair as he kissed the angel, long and _ hard _. They technically didn’t need to breathe, but that didn’t stop either of them from gasping for air each time they pulled away.

The angel’s fingers found their way under Crowley’s jacket, stripping it off of him. Crowley tilted his head back to expose his neck and soon felt Aziraphale’s lips pressed against the skin at the center of his throat. He suddenly felt Aziraphale’s fingers slide under his shirt, hand resting firmly against his side. Crowley let out a small gasp, but made no move to stop him.

He grabbed at the angel’s collar, moaning, in the hope that Aziraphale would understand what he was asking for, what he wanted. Thank Go—or at least thank _ someone _the angel did. He gently nudged Crowley off of his lap and got to his feet. Without a word, he took one of the demon’s hands in his own and led him upstairs to the bedroom of his flat. He gently pushed open the door, then closed it behind them. Aziraphale turned to look at Crowley.

“My darling,” he said softly, reaching up to stroke Crowley’s cheek.

Crowley nuzzled against his hand a little before moving in to wrap his arms around the angel once more. Aziraphale kissed his lips, while tugging off his bow tie. He then guided Crowley’s hands to the buttons of his waistcoat, encouraging the demon to undress him. Slowly, with his fingers trembling slightly, Crowley undid the buttons, one by one, then slid Aziraphale out of his waistcoat. 

The angel unbuttoned his own shirt with one hand while pulling Crowley in for another kiss with the other. Confidence building, the demon pulled the shirt off of Aziraphale, letting it drop onto the floor. He was immediately rewarded with a kiss along the base of his jaw and the feeling of Aziraphale’s fingers sliding under his shirt once more. This time, the angel slid his hands upwards, lifting Crowley’s shirt all the way up to his chest.

Crowley gingerly tugged it off over his head, and it joined the angel’s clothes on the floor. He gasped as Aziraphale moved in again, their bare chests and stomachs meeting. The angel wrapped his arms around Crowley’s hips, pulling him tighter against his body. Their lips met once more and their kisses quickly became urgent. Aziraphale’s lips pushed Crowley’s jaw open a little further, and soon the demon felt a tongue against his bottom lip. 

He moaned as the angel explored his mouth, his fingers tugging at Aziraphale’s soft, blonde hair. The angel tilted his head to the side a little more, deepening the kiss. Crowley’s heart thudded in his chest and his knees began to wobble. When Aziraphale finally pulled away, Crowley was leaning against him from the intensity of it all. With the calm patience that could only belong to Aziraphale, the angel gently walked Crowley backwards towards his bed. Crowley’s head spun and his hands grabbed at the angel’s shoulders.

“It’s alright dear,” Aziraphale whispered. “I’ve got you.”

“Oh, angel. _ Angel _.” Crowley managed.

He felt the mattress against the back of his legs and nearly began to panic. He couldn’t remember ever doing something like this before. What if he did something wrong? What if he didn’t like it—or worse? _ What if Aziraphale didn’t like it _? 

The angel quieted his thoughts with a soft kiss on the lips, before gently laying Crowley down on the bed. The demon let himself be moved, finding himself in the center of Aziraphale’s queen-sized bed, a pillow placed thoughtfully under his head. His shoes and socks seemed to take themselves off—_ or had the angel done it _? Crowley couldn’t think straight.

Aziraphale removed his own shoes and socks before getting onto the bed. He situated himself above Crowley with the ease of someone who had done this before. _ Had he _ ? Crowley wondered. He supposed it didn’t matter. 6,000 years was a long time to be among people and not be curious about even some of their more _ intimate _ habits. It didn’t bother Crowley if this wasn’t Aziraphale’s first time. A part of him was glad to have the angel there to guide him.

His breath hitched as Aziraphale lowered himself down, planting a kiss on his lips. Instinctively, Crowley’s arms flung around the angel’s neck, pulling him in even closer. Their torsos and hips were flush with each other, their legs tangled together. Crowley kept his eyes closed as Aziraphale began to trail kisses down his neck, noises of pleasure leaving his lips with each new section of skin the angel kissed and sucked at.

He arched his back as Aziraphale made it to the base of his neck, then just above his collarbone. He cried out when the angel’s lips found their way to one of his nipples, a fist balling in Aziraphale’s hair. He kissed lower and lower, and Crowley’s fingers chased the angel’s skin as far down as they could reach, grabbing at Aziraphale’s back and shoulders and sides. He felt the front of his pants begin to grow tighter with each passing moment. Soon, they seemed to be straining to contain his excitement. 

Crowley bucked his hips at the angel, hoping he would notice and maybe, just maybe..._ do something about it _. He let out a sigh of relief when Aziraphale’s hands moved to the front of his pants, then a moan as he was freed from the last of his clothing. He watched as the angel tossed his pants and underwear onto the floor beside the bed, then leaned down to kiss the top of his right thigh. Aziraphale slid out of his own pants, but left his boxers on for the time being. He looked up at Crowley.

“Are you sure about this, darling?” he asked quietly.

Crowley fidgeted.

“Do I look like I’m not enjoying myself, angel?” he responded in a low voice.

He was trying to sound cool. Crowley always did, always keeping up the facade of measured _ coolness _, always delivering his lines at precisely the right moment. But Crowley’s body betrayed him, and Aziraphale noticed the demon’s fingers digging into the sheets beneath him in anticipation.

“I’m just making sure, love,” Aziraphale soothed.

“I want this. I want _ you _.”

With that, the angel miracled a small bottle out of thin air. _ Lube, _ Crowley realized. The demon watched as Aziraphale coated his fingers with it, then moved between his legs. 

“Relax my dear,” the angel said, and Crowley did.

He leaned back against the pillow, allowing his eyes to close. Soon, he felt a finger inside of him. It was a new sensation, but not unwelcome. A moment later, the angel slid a second finger in and Crowley inhaled sharply, his body tense. He felt the angel kiss at his hips and thighs while his fingers began to move, sliding in deeper, then pulling back out slightly. Aziraphale continued to repeat the motion and the demon let out a low groan. He writhed against the sheets. _ Everything was so new, so intense...and the angel hadn’t even _—

When he thought that Crowley had adjusted himself to the new sensation, Aziraphale added a third finger. The demon screwed his eyes shut even tighter.

“A-Angel!” Crowley cried, grabbing desperately at the sheets. “Can’t—_ hurts _.”

“It’s alright,” Aziraphale soothed, leaving a messy kiss on his inner thigh. “I’ll go slow.”

His fingers stilled for a moment and Crowley slowly began to relax once more. Crowley’s eyes fluttered open, and he glanced down just in time to watch Aziraphale take him in his mouth, the angel’s lips and tongue sliding down the length of him in apology. He gave out a strained noise, letting his head fall back against the pillow. He moaned as the pain he felt quickly gave way to pleasure, and soon Aziraphale’s fingers were moving inside of him again. Slow at first—exactly as promised—then with building speed and pressure.

The angel curled his fingers, rubbing against a spot that racked Crowley’s body with pleasure. He tangled his fingers in Aziraphale’s hair, his lips unable to form words at the combination of the new sensations that flooded his body. He felt trapped between the angel’s mouth and fingers—but it was the best feeling he could ever imagine. Aziraphale sucked at him a little harder, then twisted his fingers inside of Crowley. The demon keened, arching his back. All too soon, the angel removed his fingers and pulled away, lips wet, turned a darker shade of red from their work of pleasuring Crowley.

Before he could protest the sudden loss of contact, Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s hands, guiding them to the waistband of his boxers. Eagerly, the demon tried to tear them from Aziraphale’s form.

“Easy,” Aziraphale warned when Crowley grabbed at the front of his boxers a little too roughly.

Crowley tried again, this time with more success, being mindful of the angel’s own arousal. A moment later and Aziraphale was sliding into him, holding onto Crowley’s hips to steady himself. He let out a pleased sigh and Crowley wound his arms around the angel’s neck, feverishly kissing his cheeks and chin and neck, showering him with the same love and attention Aziraphale had shown him. The angel let out a small gasp when he was entirely inside of Crowley, their bodies perfectly flush with each other. 

“Oh..._ darling _,” he whispered softly against Crowley’s cheek.

He began to move, pulling his hips back, then rocking forward. Aziraphale’s arms wrapped around him, one hand going to the small of his back, the other making its way up to cradle Crowley’s head. The demon wrapped his legs around Aziraphale’s hips, finding a way to bring them even closer together. The angel slowly picked up speed, rocking his hips forward with more enthusiasm. 

He began to let out small noises of enjoyment. Soft, almost dainty ‘oh’s and a couple of quick ‘mmm’s here and there. Crowley took the angel’s face in his hands, wanting to look him in the eyes. A pair of crisp, blue eyes locked with a pair of deep, golden-yellow ones, and Aziraphale moaned.

“Oh! Oh dearest—my _ dearest _,” he managed.

Crowley tilted the angel’s head up so he could kiss him on the lips and suddenly Aziraphale moved against the same spot that had sent Crowley reeling only a couple minutes earlier. His entire body thrummed with pleasure and his back arched again. He gave a yelp and dug his fingers into Aziraphale’s skin. 

“Angel, please,” he breathed.

“What is it?”

“Don’t...don’t stop. Don’t ever stop—oh, please!” he stammered.

And Aziraphale didn’t. He slowed his pace, making sure each thrust landed against the spot that made Crowley’s entire body buzz with pleasure. 

“I love you,” Aziraphale said quietly.

“_ I _ love _ you _,” Crowley echoed.

“I love you so much.”

“Oh angel, I love you too.”

“_ I love you _ ...my darling...my world... _ my Celestian _.”

Something stirred inside of Crowley. Something that had otherwise laid dormant for thousands of years. _ Celestian _ … That was a name he hadn’t heard in a very, _ very _ long time…


	2. Alpha Centauri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then...Crowley could see it. He could see Heaven...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter was inspired by one of my "what if?" scenarios for the creation of Alpha Centauri...  
Hope you like it!

And then...Crowley could see it. He could see  _ Heaven _ . All the things that had come to him in bits and pieces over the years came flooding back all at once. He saw the stars his hands had created, he saw the towering spirals of clouds that made up the celestial city. He saw his own wings, a bright, shining yellowy-white—the color of star light. He saw the roads paved with precious metals and gemstones of all colors, the gold and pearl gates that surrounded Heaven—the most gorgeous sight he could ever think of. He vaguely wondered if it still looked like that.

And suddenly, Crowley wasn’t Crowley anymore. He wasn’t the demon who had been thrown out of Heaven for questioning the Almighty. He wasn’t a serpent, cast upon the ground and forced to crawl on his belly either. He was an angel. He was  _ Celestian _ , creator of the stars and architect to almost all of the beautiful galaxies that decorated the universe. He felt a power coursing through his veins that—though he hadn’t felt in a very long time—he could never forget.

He felt the swirling masses of darkness and light that filled the empty space around him. He felt them flow through his entire body, felt them move with him to create new stars and new star systems. He watched in wonder and awe as they were effortlessly coaxed into the perfect spots by nothing more than his fingertips. Celestian smiled to himself and glanced over his shoulder.  _ At another angel _ , he realized. 

And who else would it be, but the same angel who had been at his side for as long as he could remember?  _ Aziraphale _ . Celestian hadn’t created the stars alone. He had help, the best help anyone could ask for. Then, it dawned on him. The feeling of never being alone.  _ He never had been _ . Aziraphale had been there to help carry out his brilliant designs for the galaxies that God wanted. He had been there every step of the way, offering encouragement, offering help, and even coming up with a couple of the star systems all on his own.

_ And the love _ . The overwhelming sense of love.  _ That had been Aziraphale too _ . The angel had loved him since Heaven, had placed him above all others, even if that was something he wasn’t supposed to do. Images flashed behind his eyes at a million lightyears an hour. He saw it all. He saw the way they created the Milky Way galaxy, their fingers laced together.

He saw the Triangulum Galaxy, the place where he and Aziraphale shared their first kiss, even before he understood what a kiss was. He saw the Cat’s Eye Nebula, a glittering, yellowy-orange nebula that mirrored the color of his own eyes.  _ Aziraphale had created it just for him _ . It was where the angel had said ‘I love you’ for the first time. And then he saw it.  _ Alpha Centauri...That was where they _ —

It hit him like a wave as he recalled every detail, his mind replaying the memory like he was watching a show on television. He and Aziraphale had been in love for quite a while by then. They knew it was wrong, that the other angels would look down on them for it, but they loved each other anyway. In a rare moment, completely alone and left to their own devices, they had decided to try something  _ new _ . 

There had been a lot of kissing involved. Aziraphale kissed his lips over and over and they gently floated, out in the vastness of space. Everything was dark around them, but it didn’t matter, his mind had fixed on more important things. Like the way Aziraphale was kissing his neck. The other angel pressed sloppy kisses into the sensitive skin under his ear, then sucked at it lightly. 

So many new noises left Celestian’s mouth, and he couldn’t stop himself. They had kissed and touched and grabbed and explored every inch of each other’s forms in total darkness, finding new ways to be  _ closer _ , even if they didn’t entirely understand what they were trying to accomplish. At some point Celestian felt the entirety of Aziraphale’s bare form pressed against his own and it did something strange to him, something he’d never experienced before. It seemed to have a similar effect on Aziraphale, and it felt  _ good _ .

Somehow, the other angel figured out a way for them to be even closer together. He turned his attention to particular part of Celestian’s backside, using his fingers to explore it. It was strange, painful even, but it felt  _ amazing _ . He begged Aziraphale to continue until he couldn’t stand it any longer. After careful exploration and contemplation, Aziraphale slid himself into the other angel, their bodies fitting together perfectly, and Celestian gasped.

Almost instinctively, Aziraphale began to rock his hips forward into him, delighting in the new sensation. Celestian was amazed at the feeling of the other angel moving inside of him, he didn’t want it to end. Aziraphale leaned over him, pressing their bodies against each other. His hands grabbed at the redhead’s hips and Celestian snaked his arms around the other angel’s neck. A few moments later and Aziraphale thrust a little deeper into him, rubbing against a particular spot inside of him. He cried out.

“Are you alright?” Aziraphale asked.

“Oh Aziraphale, that felt... _ wonderful _ . Do that again.”

“Like this?”

The other angel did it again, and Celestian’s toes curled.

“ _ Yes _ ,” he breathed.

“Oh Celestian, you’re sure I’m not hurting you?”

“Not at all.  _ Please, do it again _ .”

And so Aziraphale did, making sure to rock into the same spot each time, over and over again until Crowley was a squirming mess beneath him. The other angel suddenly turned them both to the side. Because they were in space and gravity of any form was still a work in progress, it sent them spinning over a handful of times before they stopped, now with the redhead on top of Aziraphale. The blonde angel continued to rock his hips—upwards now—into Celestian.

He reached for Aziraphale’s hands and laced their fingers together, grinning.  _ He was close _ . To  _ what _ exactly, he wasn’t sure, but it felt  _ great _ . All at once, Celestian’s skin began to glow, the way it did when he crafted stars. In the dim light from his own form, he glanced down at Aziraphale. The other angel followed suit, his own skin beginning to glow a radiant, golden color.

“You feel it too?” Celestian managed.

“Yes,” Aziraphale moaned.

The blonde angel looked absolutely spectacular in the dim light, his body stretched out beneath Celestian’s. Just the sight of him like this was enough to send a thrill of pleasure through the redhead’s entire body. Their skin began to glow brighter, and soon they both had to close their eyes. Celestian could feel the light and the heat radiating from the angel beneath him. Aziraphale squeezed his hands a little tighter.

“You feel so good,” the blonde said.

“So do you.” 

He almost couldn’t stand it.

“Aziraphale.”

“Celestian.”

“I love you Aziraphale.”

“I love you...love you too.”

“I—ah!”

His back arched and he felt Aziraphale thrust into him one last time. There was a flash of blinding white light that seemed to pierce even through their eyelids. When the almost unbearable waves of pleasure that racked Celestian’s body started to fade, he gingerly opened his eyes, peering down at Aziraphale. The angel was staring up in awe, looking just over Celestian’s shoulder.

“What is it?” he asked.

By way of response, Aziraphale shifted so that they were both floating upright now, leaned against each other. What he saw made his jaw drop. They were completely surrounded by a new star system. They floated among stars, a couple of larger celestial bodies burned brightly in the distance. 

“We... _ we  _ did that?” he managed.

“I believe so,” Aziraphale replied.

They glanced at each other and laughed weakly. Aziraphale wrapped his arms around the redhead’s waist, pulling him closer.

“It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” Aziraphale agreed.

“And a complete accident.”

They laughed nervously.

“A happy accident,” Aziraphale decided.

Celestian leaned in for a kiss.

“What are we going to call it?”

“I don’t know…”

He thought about it for a moment. It really was a beautiful new star system. It looked different from the others they’d worked on. It was unique, it was unintentional, it was... _ them _ . A permanent reminder of them.

“ _ Alpha Centauri _ ,” Celestian said. 

“What?” Aziraphale asked, turning to look at him.

“Alpha Centauri,” he repeated. “It sounds like our names.”

“Oh!... _ Oh _ .”

He took Aziraphale’s hands in his own.

“I love you Aziraphale.”

“I love you too... _ my Celestian _ .”

And then everything began to shift. He was no longer floating among the stars with Aziraphale, but standing in front of the Almighty. He felt the floor seem to give out underneath him, and he was falling.  _ He was falling. He was burning _ — _ oh God, his wings were burning!  _ The yellowy-white glow of his form flickered out and wings turned a dark, sooty black color. And then...it was dark. Just as soon as Crowley’s memories had come flooding back to him, filling him with so much warmth, they faded away, and he was overwhelmed by the unbearable emotion left in their wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I promise to have the next chapter ready in a week, so stick with me, it will be worth the wait!


	3. An Angel's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as quickly as they had come, Crowley's memories of Heaven began to fade, dropping him quite unexpectedly back into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is a little rough. There's no violence, no non-con, or anything of that nature, but practically all the angst in the entire work is concentrated in this chapter. So if that's your thing, this chapter is for you.

Crowley was suddenly dropped back into reality to discover that only a couple moments had actually passed. He was still in Aziraphale’s bed and the angel was still murmuring words of love, his every movement sending waves of intense pleasure through Crowley’s form. Almost unwillingly, his body and mind now in conflict, Crowley came with a scream. It wasn’t a pleasured cry or the kind of outburst that comes in a moment of ecstasy. It was a scream of utter agony. Aziraphale froze immediately, then quickly rolled onto the bed beside him. He wrapped his arms around Crowley, pulling the demon against his chest.

“Oh darling, what’s wrong? What is it?” he asked, frantically looking Crowley over.

He took the demon’s face in his hands, staring into his eyes with concern. Crowley saw the  _ love _ in Aziraphale’s eyes. It was the same love that he had seen in his memory, the same expression of love the angel had looked at him with all those years ago.  _ It was too much for him _ . Crowley opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t get any words out. Instead, he sobbed, tears running down his cheeks.

“Oh, no, no, no. I’ve hurt you. I’m so sorry dearest, I never meant to—”

Crowley shook his head.

“It’s not that,” he croaked.

“Then what is it? Oh Crowley...if you weren’t ready for this you should have said so.”

“ _ I remembered _ ,” Crowley said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“What?” Aziraphale asked nervously. “What did you remember?”

“I remembered Heaven.”

He stared at the angel, his voice breaking from the tears.

“You called me by my angel name and I—I remembered.”

Aziraphale gave him a guilty look.

“Crowley I’m so sorry...I got carried away, you know, i-in the moment.”

He stroked the demon’s cheek.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I should have been more careful. I—”

His voice cracked. He wrapped his arms around Crowley’s shoulders, pulling the demon against him once more.

“Don’t. Don’t feel bad,” Crowley said, a fresh set of tears running down his cheeks.

“But Crowley—”

“I remembered, Aziraphale!” he cried. “I remembered everything! I remembered Heaven, I remembered making all the stars. I remembered  _ you _ , I remembered  _ us _ . I remembered  _ Alpha Centauri _ —how could I ever forget something like that?!”

Aziraphale kissed the top of his head.

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered.

Crowley pulled away from him suddenly, his eyes red around the edges from crying and his expression angry. 

“Of course it is! It’s  _ all _ my fault!”

“Crowley…”

“ _ I’m  _ the one who fell Aziraphale. Me! I lost everything we had because I made a stupid choice.”

Crowley’s expression turned to one of utter heartbreak.

“And you…” he choked out. “You didn’t forget. You couldn’t. For 6,000 years you had to pretend. You had to act like you didn’t know me because  _ I  _ couldn’t remember you!”

He choked back a sob as Aziraphale brushed a lock of hair away from his face.

“Crowley, it’s okay.”

“It’s not! It’s not okay,” he sobbed. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone and I’ve done it to  _ you _ .”

Aziraphale couldn’t stand to see him like this. He pulled Crowley against him, dragging the demon onto his chest. Thankfully, this time Crowley didn’t try to pull away. He buried his face against Aziraphale’s neck, gasping and sputtering.

“ _ I hate myself _ ,” he spat.

“Don’t say that,” Aziraphale said, rubbing little circles in Crowley’s back.

“It’s true! I  _ hate  _ what I’ve done, I  _ hate  _ that I fell. I  _ hate  _ it, I  _ hate  _ it, I  _ hate _ it!” Crowley sobbed, punctuating each iteration of ‘hate’ by banging a fist defeatedly against Aziraphale’s chest.

The angel tried to comfort him, but before he could get any words out, Crowley let out what could only be described as a completely devastated sob, loud and messy and very, very painful. Aziraphale gently shushed him, holding Crowley firmly against his chest. He ran a hand through the demon’s love-tousled hair.

Crowley became aware that the angel was gently rocking him, side to side, and let himself be held in Aziraphale’s arms, his balled fists trapped between his and the angel’s chests. He didn’t deserve it.  _ Any of it _ . He didn’t deserve the way Aziraphale kissed his head and hushed him. He didn’t deserve the little circles being rubbed into his back. He didn’t deserve someone who cared about him so much, not after what he’d done.

Crowley’s whole body shook with sobs. He buried his face against Aziraphale’s neck, his hot tears staining the angel’s skin. Aziraphale held him through it all, for how long exactly neither of them could say, but it didn’t matter. He would hold Crowley for as long as it took. 

Eventually, the demon’s breathing began to return to normal, and his racking sobs became a gentle trickle of tears. Aziraphale kissed the top of Crowley’s head once more, then cleared his throat, hoping Crowley wouldn’t notice the tears he’d been crying.

“No matter what happens...No matter what  _ has happened _ ...I will _ always _ love you Crowley. There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.”

“How can you say that?” Crowley managed.

“Because it’s  _ true _ . Because no matter what you say...a part of me is glad you fell.”

Crowley removed his head from Aziraphale’s shoulder so that he could stare at the angel, wide-eyed. Aziraphale took the demon’s face in his hands and kissed Crowley’s forehead.

“If you hadn’t, you would have spent the last 6,000 years in Heaven, and I would have spent it alone on Earth. I wouldn’t have been able to see you Crowley.”

“Aziraphale…”

“I know it sounds selfish, but this way we were still together...That’s all I want Crowley. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,  _ to be with you _ . I don’t care if it’s in Heaven, Hell, or Earth.”

“Angel—”

“I don’t care it it’s as friends or as lovers. I just want to have you by my side. And now that I do…”

Tears began to pool at the corners of Aziraphale’s eyes.

“I’m so afraid of losing you Crowley. I thought I lost you once, I couldn’t take it if I lost you again.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, very slowly, Crowley leaned in. They shared a kiss. It was hesitant, as hesitant as the first one they ever shared—not the one on Earth, their  _ real _ first kiss, the one among the stars. It grew from there, until their hearts raced and their lungs burned for air that they didn’t actually need. When they both pulled away, Aziraphale reached for Crowley’s hands, taking them in his own.

“What should I call you then? If...you don’t mind me asking.”

Crowley shrugged.

“You can call me whichever name you prefer, Aziraphale.”

“Yes, but...I don’t want you to have any more painful memories coming back.”

Crowley gently squeezed the angel’s hands, then leaned forward to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

“They’re not painful,” he said after a moment.

“Oh, Crowley—”

“They’re not painful  _ because _ you’re in them. You’re a part of them. And that makes you a part of me.”

Aziraphale felt his jaw drop.

“Call me by the name of the one you love, whether it’s the demon Crowley or the angel Celestian.”

“ _ Oh, darling _ .”

He kissed Crowley again, long and slow and full of passion. When they finally broke the kiss, Aziraphale smiled at him.

“Perhaps only Celestian for...special occasions,” Aziraphale decided. “Now that you remember Alpha Centauri anyway.”

Crowley chuckled a bit at that.

“Always were a bit of a naughty angel, weren’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! I will be posting the final chapter by 08-26, so stick around you're almost done!


	4. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale still loves Crowley, even if it took the demon more than 6,000 years to remember their time spent together as angels. He wants to show Crowley just how much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Final Chapter! Thanks for sticking around, I know it's been a few weeks.
> 
> Enjoy!

They laid there on the bed and Aziraphale wrapped his arms around him even tighter, peppering Crowley’s cheeks and chin and temples with kisses. Crowley laughed quietly and took the angel’s face in his hands, leaning their foreheads together. He stroked his thumb against Aziraphale’s cheek and pressed himself against the angel, their hips and stomachs meeting comfortably. Crowley wasn’t sure when it happened, but amidst the soft laughter and kissing and touching, they had started to make love again. 

Aziraphale was incredibly gentle with him, easing him into it very slowly. His fingers and lips left feather-light touches on Crowley’s skin. He trailed kisses along the demon’s neck and shoulders and Crowley laced his fingers in the angel’s hair, taking in the way the individual strands of Aziraphale’s hair felt. When Aziraphale pulled away, Crowley grabbed at him, pulling the angel up to look him in the eyes.

“I love you,” he said quietly.

“I love you too,” Aziraphale smiled. “I want to show you how much.”

“Aziraphale…”

The angel pressed a soft kiss against his lips. 

“Will you let me?”

“Of course angel.”

“I don’t want to harm you,” Aziraphale said, sliding a hand under Crowley’s chin.

“You could never hurt me Aziraphale.”

“Crowley—”

“ _ I trust you _ .”

The angel stared at him for a moment, bright blue eyes meeting Crowley’s deep gold ones. The amount of love in Aziraphale’s stare was enough to bring fresh tears to his eyes. 

“I trust you now...just as I did then, all those years ago.”

“ _ Oh darling _ ,” Aziraphale whispered.

He gently rolled Crowley over onto his back, kissing the demon with an intensity that made both of their chests ache. Crowley moaned softly against Aziraphale’s lips, winding his arms around the angel’s neck, pulling him tightly against his chest. Aziraphale’s fingers traced invisible lines in Crowley’s skin, much the same way as they had over 6,000 years ago, while they floated gently in the darkness of space.

They explored every inch of each other’s bodies, as if it were the very first time they had ever touched. Aziraphale showered him with love and affection, and Crowley did his best to return it with each kiss, each caress, each gentle slide of skin on skin, every delighted gasp, and every satisfied moan. He wanted his angel to feel  _ loved _ , as loved as he felt. 

After all of the slow-building attention and preparation Crowley could stand, Aziraphale finally slid into him once more.  _ And it felt amazing _ . Crowley let out a sigh of relief, his arms and legs winding tighter around the angel,  _ his angel _ . His gorgeous Aziraphale, who had loved him beyond all compare, who had never wavered in his loyalty, not even for a moment. Crowley marvelled in the feeling of being this way with the angel, bodies twined together in the most exquisite way possible. 

“I love you,” he panted.

And meant it. Oh, how he  _ meant  _ it. He took Aziraphale’s face in his hands, gently tilting the angel’s head up so he could look at him. Aziraphale smiled at him and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“I love you too darling.”

“ _ Aziraphale _ …”

The angel glanced at him carefully for a moment.

“ _ Celestian _ ,” he moaned quietly.

Crowley’s fists balled in Aziraphale’s hair. His back arched.  _ It was too much. The love in his angel’s eyes was too much. _ It made Crowley shiver with delight and made his entire body burn with excitement all at once. He couldn’t remember ever feeling as good as he felt then, as  _ happy _ . He blinked his eyes a couple of times, and suddenly he was crying.

“Oh no...Crowley,” Aziraphale murmured, wiping at his tears.

Crowley gave a small laugh.

“It’s alright angel...They’re tears of joy.”

“Oh!  _ Oh, dearest _ .”

Aziraphale let a tear of his own trickle down his cheek.

“I’ve never been so happy,” Crowley said, a grin stretching across his face. “I’ve never been so happy in all my life.”

“Darling…”

“ _ You’ve _ made me so happy.”

The angel leaned in and pressed an enthusiastic kiss against his lips, still slowly rocking his hips into Crowley. When they broke the kiss, Crowley stared up at him, golden eyes full of warmth.

“I love you Aziraphale,”

“I love you...I love you too.”

  
  


And just as they had done so long ago, drifting among the future site of Alpha Centauri, Aziraphale suddenly rolled them over so that Crowley was on top of him. He continued to rock his hips—upwards now—and they both gasped at the intense feeling this new position created. After a couple experimental thrusts, Aziraphale found the spot that sent a rich, burning pleasure throughout Crowley’s entire body. The demon cried out, grabbing Aziraphale’s shoulders tightly.

“Are you alright?” the angel asked, a hand sliding to Crowley’s hip.

“That felt... _ wonderful _ . Please, don’t stop.”

And Aziraphale didn’t. Crowley leaned down a little, grabbing both of the angel’s hands, and pulled them up on either side of Aziraphale’s head. He laced their fingers together, pressing Aziraphale’s hands into the mattress beneath them. Crowley leaned his head back and let out a low moan. Everything felt so good, so  _ right _ . It felt like they had been apart for so long, and Crowley was finally coming home.

He wasn’t sure when it started, but his entire body had started to glow. It was a small glow at first, but it quickly built to a bright, almost blinding light. Aziraphale managed to stare at him despite it, his eyes wide and full of shock.

“Crowley,” he began, looking up the demon nervously. “You  _ do _ remember what happened the last time you did that?”

“Of course... _ We _ created one of the most beautiful star systems in the universe.”

“Yes, but...perhaps we shouldn’t do that. Not  _ here _ I mean.”

Crowley began moving his hips to meet Aziraphale’s. The angel bit back a moan and screwed his eyes shut. He was still determined to continue talking, despite the intense pleasure coursing through him.

“I mean...middle of London...people are going to notice if—ah!”

Aziraphale bit his lip. He was close.  _ They both were, the angel could sense it. _

“You mean if a star system suddenly cropped up in the middle of Soho?” Crowley grinned.

The angel nodded. Crowley managed to lower himself down so that they were pressed completely flush with each other, Aziraphale rocked his hips a little more urgently now, putting even more pressure on the sensitive spot inside of Crowley that filled the demon with almost unbearable pleasure.

“Well...I just...won’t...do that...this time...alright?” he managed between Aziraphale’s thrusts.

The angel pulled Crowley in for another kiss and then—

“Ah-ah-Aziraphale!”

A blinding light filled the entire room as Crowley’s back arched. His toes curled as the angel’s hips rocked upwards a final time, and the light began to fade. When Aziraphale hesitantly opened his eyes, he was afraid that he might find himself in the middle of a cluster of stars. But when he looked up, all he saw was Crowley breathing heavily, a look of complete ecstasy on his face. Aziraphale found the sight as beautiful as any constellation in the sky, _ possibly more so _ .

The angel gently rolled them over so that they laid side by side, their arms and legs tangling together. Crowley buried his face against Aziraphale’s shoulder, leaving kisses on his warm skin. A quick wave of his hand, and the angel miracled away any mess they had made. They were under the covers now, their heart rates and breathing slowly returning to normal. Aziraphale brushed a few stray hairs from Crowley’s face.

“I love you darling,” he whispered.

“I love you too angel,” Crowley murmured against Aziraphale’s skin.

_ He was tired. _ Between the sex and the crying, and  _ more  _ sex, and just a little more crying, Crowley was exhausted. His body was completely relaxed now, and he was content to lie in bed with Aziraphale, basking in the literal afterglow of what they had done together. He felt himself begin to drift to sleep right then and there, with Aziraphale’s body heat washing over him like a blanket, the angel’s arm serving as his pillow.

Perhaps tomorrow he and the angel would try it again, maybe differently than they’d done it today. Or perhaps they would just spend the day like normal, Aziraphale reading his books and Crowley curled up on the loveseat next to him, happy just to be in the angel’s presence. Whatever they decided to do, Crowley focused on one thing as he fell into a deep slumber: Aziraphale wasn’t going anywhere. After what felt like an eternity, Crowley had found his angel. He found what he’d lost, only to discover it had never really left him.  _ Aziraphale had always loved him, and always would. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked the chapter, I hope you liked the entire work. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this piece, and am super grateful you guys decided to stick with me. You rock!

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know. Cliffhanger! 
> 
> But I promise, Chapter 2 will be coming 08-12. I'm gonna do my best to update every week.
> 
> I hope you liked you it, and I really hope you stick around for the next part. You won't regret it!


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